The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith Review -

The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith Review

Post author:Gemma
Post published:July 1, 2023
Post category:Book Reviews
Post comments:0 Comments

Synopsis

In “The Way I Used to Be”, All Eden wants is to rewind the clock. To live that day again. She would do everything differently. Not laugh at his jokes or ignore the way he was looking at her that night. And she would definitely lock her bedroom door.

But Eden can’t turn back time. So she buries the truth, along with the girl she used to be. She pretends she doesn’t need justice. But her world unravels, and one thing becomes clear; the only person who can save Eden…is Eden.

Genre

Dark Themes – alcohol, substance abuse, SA
Mental Health
Young Adult Romance
18+

Book Setting – time and place

Modern-day high school in a suburban town. It snows in winter!

The storyline, in general terms

“The Way I Used to Be” is a powerful coming-of-age novel that follows the story of Eden, a fourteen-year-old girl during her first year of high school who experiences a life-changing event when her brother’s best friend enters her bedroom and commits a terrible act, Eden’s life is forever changed. Fearing for her safety and doubting that anyone will believe her, Eden chooses to keep the truth hidden. However, the traumatic experience shatters her from within, and she can never return to the innocent, unnoticed girl she once was.

The novel occurs during Eden’s high school years as she tries to find her way after the traumatic event. As rumours start to spread about Eden, she begins to internalise the accusations and starts to become the person that others believe her to be. High school is already challenging to navigate, and being falsely labelled only adds to Eden’s struggles. Over time, Eden’s life takes a downward spiral as she turns to smoking, drinking, and substance abuse in an attempt to cope with her pain. She believes that finding validation through sexual acts with other guys will help her feel better about what happened.

“The Way I Used to Be” is a powerful novel that takes readers on a journey through the perspective of the main character, Eden. Through her internal thoughts and reflections, we witness her struggle with losing her sense of self and the gradual realisation that honesty and speaking her truth is essential for healing and growth.

Life just goes, just happens, continuing as always. Normal. And I can’t shake the knowledge that life will just keep on happening, regardless if I wake up or not. Obscenely normal.
Amber Smith- The Way I Used To Be (Eden)

The characters and their development.

Eden (Edy)

Eden experiences a traumatic event at the age of fourteen. Eden suppresses her pain and emotions and hides the truth. However, over time, the effects of the event begin to manifest in her behaviour and actions. While some reviewers claim that Eden’s transformation is sudden, it is actually a gradual process. In contrast, the transformation of Mara from a geek to an art student is more noticeable and immediate.

Character development is a crucial aspect of storytelling, and it becomes even more complex when the character is a teenager like Eden. At fourteen, she is navigating the challenges of adolescence, where emotions run high, and identity is still being formed. In the case of Eden, her perception of herself is heavily influenced by how she thinks others see her. This internal struggle between her true self and the persona she believes she needs to project adds depth and complexity to her character.

Throughout the novel, Eden’s character transforms as she navigates through the challenges and hardships in her life. In the final portion of the book, her world crumbles, and she is drawn back to the moment from three years ago that changed everything. This realisation brings her full circle, as she understands that she holds the power to help herself. Despite her anger, loneliness, and detachment throughout the story, Eden begins to open up and share her truth, taking the first steps towards freeing herself from the burdens of her past.

Joshua (Josh) Miller

In the novel, Josh plays a significant role as Eden’s love interest. Despite Eden’s reluctance to let him in, Josh struggles to understand her behaviour and the reasons behind her attitude towards herself and others. However, Josh’s own life is also affected by his father’s struggles with substance abuse and alcoholism.

Despite his love and care for Eden, she pushes him away whenever she starts experiencing emotions other than anger. Eventually, Josh discovers that Eden has lied about her age and is actually underage at fifteen. Although his character development is primarily conveyed through Eden’s internal dialogue, when he reappears later in the book, it is Josh to whom Eden reveals her secret. This revelation angers Josh, as he still has feelings for her but has moved on. With the knowledge that book two is set to be released in November 2023, it is clear that Josh will play a more significant role in the sequel.

What did I like about the book?

I was immediately captivated from the beginning of the book. The author’s writing style made me feel like I was right there alongside the main character, experiencing everything with her. By the time I reached a quarter of the way through the novel, I knew it deserved a five-star rating. One aspect I particularly enjoyed was the use of first-person narration, which allowed me to delve deep into Eden’s thoughts and emotions. Additionally, the portrayal of Eden’s relationship with Josh was realistic and complex, highlighting the grey areas of life. Amber Smith did a fantastic job of presenting Eden as a flawed character without glorifying her struggles or the circumstances she faced.

What would have made it better?

To make it even better, it would be great to have more perspectives from both Josh and Eden in the story. While there isn’t much to criticise, having Josh’s point of view could add an interesting twist. We only experience the story through Eden’s eyes, emotions, and reactions. However, if we could glimpse into Josh’s thoughts, even in the last chapter, it could enhance the overall narrative.

What didn’t work for me in the book?

In “The Way I Used to Be,” I noticed a lack of character development in the relationships. Mara, who was initially Eden’s best friend, seemed to distance herself from Eden and gravitate towards Cameron and Stephen (now Steve). Then, two new characters, Alex and Troy, were introduced, and it felt like they were added to provide an excuse for Eden to engage in promiscuous behaviour at parties.

Eden’s parents displayed a lack of affection towards her, even prior to Kevin’s involvement. She notes that things shifted after her sibling Caelin left for college. It appears that her parents only take notice of her when they want to criticise her actions. Throughout the story, I found her parents to be insignificant most of the time. Additionally, I found it peculiar that she began referring to them as Vanessa and Connor as if it were normal for a seventeen-year-old to address their parents by their first names.

Overall opinion and recommendation.

Overall, I loved this book and would highly recommend it to others. Eden’s character was well-developed and relatable, and the plot kept me engaged from beginning to end. The pacing was kept to a great pace from the beginning. The author’s writing style was also written for the YA audience, but definitely 18 plus; I wouldn’t be comfortable letting my sixteen daughters read it. I can’t wait to read book two when it is released, and I highly recommend this book to anyone looking for a captivating and well-written read.

I had seen it floating around on TikTok but purchased it in my local Waterstones while browsing.